1) "umm..nooo...sorry, can not"
each time i hear these words, it's like a subtle screech of the proverbial nails on the chalkboard. it drives me insane. while i love the orderliness of everything, people here follow the rules too the t, never straying from them, not knowing how to improvise, go with the flow. there's this strange unwillingness to think outside the box. and sometimes, things just don't make fucking sense.
example: me and jamie shopping around. ooh, look, an item on sale. cute! cheap!
me: hi, can i try this on please?
salesperson: umm...nooo...sorry, can not
me: um, why not?
salesperson: umm...nooo...sorry, can not. item on final sale. 70% off.
me: um, exactly, which is why i need to try it on. because i can't return it.
salesperson: umm...nooo...sorry, can not (all the while with an annoyingly, apologetic smile, slowly walking away)
example: me at mcdonald's (yes, i still got to mcdonalds. and yes, by myself.)
me: hi, can i get the cheeseburger happy meal please? what size is the coke? oh. can i get a larger size? no? i'll pay more for it. can i supersize it?
salesperson: umm...nooo...sorry, can not.
example: eugene and i many times have walked into the wrong location (streets and #s here suck) and asked to be directed to the right place. what's the answer?
"ummm...nooo...sorry, can not."
sure, sometimes it is the language barrier thing. but most times, they just don't want to be agreeable.
2) the rude/ultra hard sale salesperson
i'll go over the hard sale first since i experienced it in a big way over the weekend. eug and i walked into california fitness because i wanted to check on the membership, maybe take a tour. the sales guy goes over very quickly the hours and differences in the two types of membership, and then i'm whisked away on a tour with a trainer.
when i get back to the esk, i'm ready to talk numbers. but, that proves to be tougher than i anticipated.
me: do you have discounts for ogilvy/wpp employees?
him: (he checks) yes, we do. a good one. (doesn't tell me how much) so, do you think you will sign today?
me: um, well, maybe. what's the pricing?
him: today is last day of promotion (points to a deflated balloon with the promotion). last day of month.
me: well, i need to know what it costs first.
him: tomorrow all rates increase. today is good deal. so will you sign today?
me: i need to know what the rates are. what are they today? and what will they be tomorrow?
him: today is very good deal. this pen (he picks up a pen from his desk) - today this pen one dollar, tomorrow it is 5 dollars (like straight outta a russell peters standup! fer reals...)
me: ok...sure. still, i can't make any decisions until i know what the pricing is.
at this point we're both getting frustrated. what? right? he finally leaves comes back with some numbers for the two types of memberships, crosses numbers out, writes in smaller numbers, circles a few, writes down what the initiation fees are, crosses them out, writes down numbers for the application fee, crosses them out, tells me what the first month will cost vs. the other 11 months. suddenly, he's bombarding me with numbers. as if to say, you want numbers? i'll give you fucking numbers.
he then lays out weekly plans that are cheaper (tues, thurs, sat vs. monday, wed, fri) not sure what happened to sunday. i'm sure it was there somewhere. i tell him i want to be able to go any day of the week. he lets out a small sigh. i ask him if the gym has a pool and/or steamroom. he smirks, shakes his head and says no, like i'm crazy for asking. what?? i want to punch him. walk out at least. but i don't.
him: so you sign today?
me: so what exactly is the corporate discount?
him: well, tomorrow no more. everything increase.
me: wait, tomorrow, there's no more corporate discount? hmmm...
him: you sign for three months?
me: well, if i want to sign today, i'll give you a call. if i miss the promotion by calling tomorrow, i understand it's my fault. it's ok.
him: you want to come in for one day pass?
me: (phew, something i can give into) sure, great. i'll do that.
the rude salesperson is someone we've all encountered. but it's quite prevalent here and it's almost always the same type of treatment. i won't go into detail or talk about any specific examples, but if you don't buy then they essentially shoo you away with a flick of the wrist. the smile immediately turns to an almost scowl and they quietly curse you under their breath for wasting their precious time. of course, it is not always this harsh. sometimes, it is just a very curt ok, thank you. smile drops. and they turn away as if you never even existed...